TheCupcakeGeisha Blog Feed

it's true

Wed, 02 Jun 2010 01:44:00 GMT

For all those men who say "why marry the cow when you can get the milk for free?" Here's an update for you! Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because woman realize that usually it's not worth buying an entire pig just for a little sausage!!!

SAY NO TO JUNK LITERATURE!

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 04:34:00 GMT

I AM SICK TO FUCKING DEATH OF ALL THE DAMNED VAMPIRE BULLSHIT! FOR FUCKSAKE! True Blood, Twilight, Vampire Diaries,...all of them need to just DIE! The last thing that had anything to do with vampires that didn't suck was Buffy the Vampire Slayer...THE FUCKING MOVIE! Not the damned series. BTW, How the fuck do you take a comedy film and turn it into a television drama? Grrrrrrrrrrrrr........ SO FUCKING SICK OF IT. All of it. All of the magic shit. Harry Potter needs to die too. It kind of pisses me off that in the history of time our biggest contributions to the world of literature are books about vampires and wizards... THESE ARE FUCKING CHILDRENS BOOKS!!! Adults can't fucking read adult books anymore? All of those books are like junk food for your mind. Fuck it all, and give me some J. D. Salinger or Lord Tennyson. SAY NO TO JUNK LITERATURE! On another note.... Dire sent me a text message that Sham 69 will be playing in Oakland in Oct. I then sent a message back saying we should go to see them, and that Cock Sparrer are playing in S.F. in Nov, and he should join up with me and Mel. Then I decided I should call him to actually TALK to him about it all. But when I called him he was WAY drunk, and I could hardly hear him because he was at a show. He showed up to the show drunk, and then ordered whiskey. lol. OMG! I have to see Dire on whiskey before I die. LOL. I'll bet it's either a nightmare or a hoot.

GREEK YOGURT!!!!

Thu, 28 May 2009 17:31:00 GMT

I've become addicted to the stuff. In the past week I've had to have eat at least three pounds of it. MMMMmmmm...... Nummy. Add some honey, and BAM! You are ready to party. I also had some Tzatziki sauce this week. Oooh! And I had baklava with Amy and Alex. Hooray for Greek foods!

Texas Trip

Fri, 22 May 2009 02:43:00 GMT

So Clint called me today. He's going to Texas this weekend to be with Ivy. LOL. I told him about the Pirate cow, and he said someone should brand it with a Jolly Roger. lol. ANYHOW... Looks like Asta is on the mend. And Clint is getting a raise at work. He's going to be some kind of supervisor and get all kinds of pay. God... I wish I were a certifiable genus too. Then I could just have a job for six months and have a position created just for me, and be given a super raise, and three weeks vacation. Well, I have three weeks, but that's something else. Today was quite a horrible day. I was late FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER to my class. It was alright. Mr. Waterberry was nice about it. I am NEVER late to class. Kind of ruined my personal record. Whatever. BTW, I HATE THE BAND KISS! MEANWHILE, I WILL BE IN CHICO GETTIN' ROYALLY FUCKED UP ON MONDAY! Clint will be getting laid, and I will be gettin' drunk. This weekend will be good for us two friends!

Fuck It.

Mon, 18 May 2009 04:00:00 GMT

I'm bored of this whole thing. Fuck it all. WHATEVER. So, I guess Asta is dying. That kind of makes me sad. I guess Clint said that the family is just making sure she's comfortable. It's so bummer to me. I mean, I know I never met her, but still. I've known about her for six or seven years. I don't remember which one. God, how old is Sylvia? I met Clint, like, A MONTH before Sylvia was born. It was so odd. When I met Clint we were all getting to be friends and shit. What I knew of him was that he was single, and hated kids. Then the next thing I know, OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE, he's got an ex girlfriend who kind of FORGOT TO TELL HIM she was pregnant. I felt sure he was full of shit. I was all "NO WAY. Babies don't just SHOW UP" But I will ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS remember the FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK of doom that he let out. God, I think he could have fucking KILLED her for not telling him. I don't blame him. Fuckin', Easter morning. Family all gathered. Gettin' a random phone call that you need to come down to the hospital and pick up your kid. But it took him a total of one day to become obsessed with his daughter. He loves that girl, and that's great. I remember once he tried to sell me on the joys of having children. He was all giving me the whole bit about how he didn't want them, but he loves Sylvia now and wouldn't trade her for anything. BLAH BLAH BLAH. I don't fuckin' like kids, man. I hate when people try to bingo me. Which reminds me, Tammy is having her baby shower next month. I need to fucking take time off. I hope I don't have to go to Susanville.

Skiptrace My Plastic Soul

Sun, 29 Mar 2009 01:29:00 GMT

I've made friends with a girl I really can't stand in another failed attempt to replace you. You are gone. I will write a letter soon. Oh, my darling plastic girl. With your plastic stars glued to your walls. I will never forget your eyes. I will never forget a thing. It hurts me for so many reasons. I just stopped. I don't care if you hate me. I love you.

Why Don't I Just Shut Up?

Wed, 25 Feb 2009 15:24:00 GMT

Why do I always feel the need to push my limits? I always regret it. I'm so stupid sometimes. Wait? Did I just say "sometimes?" I am an endless stream of stupidity. I should be studied! This level of stupidity just might be toxic.

Shaken

Thu, 19 Feb 2009 06:43:00 GMT

Right now my spirit is so shaken that nothing at all seems worth doing. I'm so scared.

Sometimes I Don't Even Know What I Mean...

Tue, 17 Feb 2009 05:58:00 GMT

Float. Fly. Fall. Drown in my nightmare. Embraced by the dreams of you, and you being a part of me. I can't tell anymore if my dreams mean anything to my heart. I don't trust my own desires. Nothing can help me put unrest in it's grave. Hold me home. Sing me to sleep. I've not given myself over to destiny just yet. Dancing through my darkened dismay in velvet robes. Casting silhouettes in my oubliette. Catch the sound of my voice on the wind, and follow it home.

Ich bin von Kopf bis Fu� auf Liebe eingestellt

Tue, 17 Feb 2009 03:20:00 GMT

Ich bin von Kopf bis Fu� Auf Liebe eingestellt, Denn das ist meine Welt. Und sonst gar nichts. Das ist, was soll ich machen, Meine Natur, Ich kann halt lieben nur Und sonst gar nichts. M�nner umschwirr'n mich, Wie Motten um das Licht. Und wenn sie verbrennen, Ja daf�r kann ich nicht. Ich bin von Kopf bis Fu� Auf Liebe eingestellt, Ich kann halt lieben nur Und sonst gar nichts.

Some Become Strangers

Mon, 02 Feb 2009 00:40:00 GMT

In the beginning I believed in love and things It happened like a hurricane I could never really tell you what this did to me I could never make it better for you Anyway Thing is Time was Part of me used to love you Part of me still does This light here Some become strangers Did it have to be so easy to live without it I was hoping to remember you with just a smile Now the memory of giving you is giving out Well, I could say that I knew it all the while Thing is Time was Part of me used to love you Part of me still does This light here Some become strangers Didn't want to be the one to Say goodbye In a stranger's eyes Look how we've changed I don't really need this in my life Why don't we forget about it Thing is Time was Part of me used to love you Part of me still does This light here Some become strangers Let your soul become a stranger Baby, you're no stranger You're no stranger Not that I am Well, you've become that stranger And let your soul become a stranger Well, you're no stranger not that I am So you do it I think that you should do it Well you do it

Bleh

Mon, 02 Feb 2009 00:32:00 GMT

I CANNOT BELIEVE CLINT WOULD BE SO STUPID AS TO GET BACK TOGETHER WITH IVY! This is NOT going to end well. Oh well. Not my life to fuck up.

Gettin' Hitched....

Wed, 28 Jan 2009 03:08:00 GMT

I fear marriage like the plague. I can't even handle watching shit about weddings on television. Part of it is because, well, I don't want to be legally bound to love someone. Another part is it's just so overly hyped. I mean, do you really NEED to spend that much money on what is essentially a party? I mean, you can go to the courthouse and accomplish the same thing for a fraction of a fraction of the price. THERE IS NO NEED FOR ALL THE FRILLS! Yes, I know. Frills are fun, but not needed. I also am a complete commitment phobe. Greg asked me to marry him about three times. Yeah, I couldn't change the topic fast enough. Somehow I wound up having him move in with me. A lesser charge to be sure, but I still....Gah. I never even loved him. I tried and tried to make myself love him....but I couldn't. I hated it when he said I was beautiful. HOW THE FUCK WOULD HE KNOW? YOU ARE FUCKING BLIND! One day I asked him what he thought I looked like. He said he thought I looked like Judy Garland. WTF?! Um....Okay. He was so controlling. Everyone who knows me can't believe I ever let him treat me the way he did. I seriously thought a couple of times he was going to beat me. I was scared. Gah. I will always be thankful to Clint for being there for me. I wasn't allowed to talk to anyone really. I mean, I practically lost three years of my life with him. But there was Clint. My secret friend. He saved my life. He gave me the strength to leave Greg. I wish I could have really returned the favor better when Kirby dumped him. I just didn't know what to say or do. I was worried for him on his trip from California back to Ohio. ANYHOW......So I was watching that damned Duggar boy's wedding on television. They showed the clip of him asking her to marry him. It made me feel all....GAH. I couldn't watch it. It was too sappy and romantic. I guess that's it. I have an aversion to sappy romance. Sometimes I think the aversion comes from the feeling that I don't deserve it. Who could ever love a fat boring girl like me? But it's cool. Last week I finished off the blue and black quilt. I think this week I will finish off that baby quilt for Tammy. I need to call Andy about my bass.

Not That Bad of a Day....

Fri, 23 Jan 2009 02:26:00 GMT

Well, let's start with the Singing Lessons. It went WAY better than I had thought it would. I mean, after THREE MONTHS of not singing I thought it would be a NIGHTMARE. But No, we were, I'd say, about two or three exercises into it, *+BAM+*, I was back in my head register, and had some good resonance. Opera, it's like ridding a bike! We sang Wiegenlied to ease back into things. It all went well. Well, my German was a bit rough, but yeah. I'd forgotten about umlauts. I feel good about it though. He said my musicianship was comming along nicely. Which I took as a complement, but odd, since the only thing I'd been doing for three months is mess about with my bass in a non-serious kind of way. Whatever. I'm just happy because I've not given up. That's the biggest thing for me. I have a history of just giving up. So, yeah. I'm hella proud of the fact that I'm not letting myself down. Okay, so other good stuffs...I went to the salvation army today to find an old book to rip up for a craft project. While I was there I found a FULLY FINISHED QUILT TOP. It's not the prettiest, or the most technical, but it's FINISHED. It's black, grey, and blue-grey. I WAS thinking of finishing it, and saving it to give to Clint for Christmas, but when I held it up to the light I saw there were some SUPER ITTY BITTY holes. Nothing MAJOR. Just little bitty moth holes that can be fixed by some simple hand stitiching. But not good enough to give as a gift. So I'm just going to finish it and use it for the house. I may want to keep it in the car. You never know when you are out if you are gonna need one. Last minuite sleep over, picnic, car breaks down in the middle of a snow storm.... I dunno. I just think it might be a good idea. So I guess I am back to my original plan to make Clint a scrap crazy quilt out of the leftover bits of pirate material from when I made him his pants for Christmas this year. I've got a TON of scrap material, but none that matches his pirate material. Oh well. I've got time. I can't find that damned brownie mix that I bought last week. MAN. Loosin' my mind tryin' to find it. OH YEAH!!!!! While I was driving around this big bitch, half way through the cross walk, threw a half full can of Arizona Iced Tea across the length of the rest of the cross walk. As it flies through the air it starts spilling droplets of tea all over the place, then it hits the sidewalk and explodes all over the place making a mess. I mean, WHAT THE FUCK?! THIS FUCKING SLOPPY,GROSS, RUDE, LAZY OBESE BITCH! THEN SHE JUST HITCHES UP HER PANTS AND WALKS AWAY. WHAT THE FUCK?! YOU COULDN'T HAVE PERHAPS EMPTIED THE CAN, AND THEN HELD IT UNTIL YOU FOUND A FUCKING TRASH CAN? IT MADE ME SO ANGRY. SO GROSS!

rolls eyes

Thu, 22 Jan 2009 05:25:00 GMT

Romantic love is quite possibly the most boring, overrated thing ever. .... It's like a drug that sedates you, and keeps you from ever accomplishing anything. It wastes time.

Beautiful....

Wed, 21 Jan 2009 02:39:00 GMT

"Sometimes I'm baffled by the juxtaposition between the rotten twisted thoughts and ideas that crash around my brain all day, and then these saccharine weirdos that come out of my fingers at night."

Skiptracer, serving plastik girls

Tue, 20 Jan 2009 03:59:00 GMT

MY GOD! Sometimes I accomplish something AMAZING. He He He. I love having a secret like this. It makes me smile. I just scream inside of my head "GOD, WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO KNOW?!" And smile like a cheshire cat. Everything you want to know is inside of here. Only thin skin and skull between you and your desired information. It's like a strange way of playing God. Knowledge is power so I guess that means I'm hoarding the power. I'd like to thank Tommy Martin for being my crash course in this skill. Ten years ago if you had told me that I'd be THRILLED that he broke my heart to the point that I would wake up from the pain of crying in my sleep I wouldn't believe you. Oh yeah, BTW, fuck off and die Tommy. *SIGH* This isn't the first time I've gotten close to the throne. In fact, I did it this time last year too. Amie is the only one who knows that secret. In turn she gave me another secret for Christmas that was JUST AS WONDERFUL, and proved to me she can keep hers. Still, I feel guilty about Angi. Oh well. It was MY IDEA IN THE FIRST PLACE. It's like I've found a way to cheat the grave out of it's silence. I love when a REAL FRIEND keeps a secret. It's a beautiful bond. In the whole world only you two have certain information, and it is beautiful that they can trust you, and you can trust them. It hurt me to find out that Amy G. didn't tell me about what happened between her and Jason. I'll never tell her that though. It's not worth it.... BUT RIGHT NOW..... I my new, as Dire would call it, E.L. and the fact that when we met she trusted ME. I've not let her down either. It makes me happy to know that she can trust me, and hopefully she can see that. Her trust and HIS trust is worth EVERYTHING. And I've worked hard for nearly a decade to earn it. I know it's fragile. He is fragile. It makes me happy to KNOW he feels safe talking to me about such things.

But yes...inside of my head....right now....EVERYTHING.

GO, FAT BOY, GO!!!!

Mon, 19 Jan 2009 00:42:00 GMT

GOD BLESS ALL THE FAT FIDDLE PLAYERS WHO SWASH THEIR BOWS AROUND LIKE A FUCKING SAMURAI!!!! HA HA HA! LOVE IT!!! POUR ME ANOTHER ONE, I'M FINISHED WITH THE OTHER ONE. I'M DRINKIN' MY BABY GOODBYE!
NEVER FUCKIN' FAILS TO MAKE ME SMILE: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXqBYVMxGgM

DAMN! I'MA GON' SAY IT AGAIN! GO FAT BOY, GO!

GOD! I wish I had someone to dance with right now. So good id' make ya slap yer mama! Sometimes there is nothing better than knowin' deep under the colored hair, mountains of eyeliner, black clothes and tattoos that I'm still H.D.'s daughter. I'm just like my daddy's girl. I'm proud of who I am.

I'm such a redneck sometimes.

Garth Brooks and Amanda

Sun, 18 Jan 2009 03:32:00 GMT

So randomly I decided to bust into some Garth Brooks videos on youtube. My god.... I haven't heard his music in, well, about thirteen years. But I still remembered 98% of all of the lyrics. I particularly remembered the stuff off of the In Pieces album. I can't believe I started crying. I mean, my god. It put me right back in that place in my life when I used to hang out with Amanda, read comic books, and was home schooled. The memory of that time has made me so happy that I am now exhausted by it. '93 was a great year.

strange place to hide

Sat, 17 Jan 2009 15:44:00 GMT

i like the fact that this is here. i like it because it gives me a place to hide. who would ever look for me here? So I can be open. I keep people in different compartments of my life. sort of like an ice cube tray. i can quickly glance over it all, and know these worlds won't bump into each other. everyone does that though. it's just that, well, i dunno. we do it for different reasons but it's always about protection. i miss tomo. i know she's nuts. i know she's crazy. she was a japanese page, and i loved her. i really did. i know she talked bad about me behind my back. that was just her nature. but it's in my nature to forgive the ones i love and get used up because i'm so desperate to place that love somewhere. i love my friends, and i think others find that odd. it's not in keeping with todays world, i think. i think that most people think you are only allowed to love a partner or parent and be able to express it. i loved her though. i kept her every strange secret. i forgave her horrid bitchy ways because, well...i am not sure why. i gave to her endlessly. i taught her to drive. i threw her this rediculously expensive tea party when she left the country. i helped her pack her appartment up. i helped pay to move some of her stuff back to japan btw, i know how to work the dollar-yen exchange. i have had so many friends that i give and give to with nothing in return. do they expect these things of me, or is it odd to have someone give that much and they don't know how to respond. this reminds me, both iana and amie have a birthday next month. i need to think up something for them. last year i just had amie. i special ordered from my fave shop some klaus nomi cookies and had them shipped to kentucky with a klaus doll i had made for her. i always have loved to make people gifts instead of just buying things. i think it means more that way. it's as if i'm giving them not just a gift, but a piece of my life in the time spent doing it.

i have a ton of journals and each one is set to only be seen by certain people. and then there is one that is just for one person. after talking to mel the other night i know i am right about my group of friends. i'd always thought it, but mel confirmed it. We are some kind of elite group of subculture kids. Each one with thier own level of fab. and the group reaches far. we are a net. we all know the same people. we all have the same stories. i never knew we were as influential as a group until people started trying to do things like be friends with me in order to get close to my friends. what really creeps me out is when people try to morph into me. i've had that happen a few times. i've started friendships with girls who then try to "single white female" my ass. it's creepy when someone who you thought was normal starts turning into a bastardized version of you. i can understand why people would want to be a part of this group. i mean, i know why i was attracted to them. some in the group are international, some are brilliant, some are artists, some are rich, and some beautiful. i don't know what i am, but i don't think it's good. even though...well, nevermind that. i was attracted to the smartest of the group. i am always interested in people that i can learn from. I still feel all these years like i am the worlds biggest idiot. but anyhow...CASE IN POINT...P. when p. died people were tripping over themselves in order to give their "special" stories. everyone jumped the banwaggon in order to look cool. people who had never met p were going on about her. i mean, okay, so she had, like, what? three different services? or was it two? well, there was the regular one for her parents, then the one at the lucky 13, and then one at the bridge. i love mel's story about when they were driving out to montery how she was in the car with bonnie, cedar, and....i don't remember who else, but she said outloud "wow, i'm the only one here page didn't sleep with." AND I DON'T DOUBT IT. There was always the cult of P. GOD. And now I KNOW the deal with why K was obsessed with her. Same reason I was all about D. Well, not QUITE, but you get it. but yeah... when page died how do you think i heard about it? i got a fucking call from japan! the night she died the news had traveled to JAPAN! Tomo called me to tell me. Page died a little after noon! And Mel was trying to keep it the knowledge to a minimum. Only K, D, and a few of the bay kids were supposed to know. but soon it just fucking EXPLODED. God....then it was a smaller version when Voxerella died, but that was not as....i dunno. it wasn't as intense. god, p kept telling me if i ever went lesbian to let her know. for godsake. um, yeah. no thanks. btw, she hadn't slept with the boy with aids for years. she didn't have anything. she tested clean, and after she died the people she had slept with got tested too. all clean.

DANZIG!!!!

Thu, 15 Jan 2009 01:01:00 GMT

OKAY! So, I'll admit. I used to think Danzig was CRAZY hot. I think he's the Sir Douche-a-Lot now. I mean, he takes himself so damned seriously. He is RIPE for parody. He's such a joke. But wow. I still dig him a little.....for....some ....nostalgic reasons? I STILL think the best episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force is the one he is in. But ANYHOW... Gaytha Twittered me with this video.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZHv3qO_Y8kk&feature=channel_page

THAT IS SO AWESOME!!!!! I'VE WATCHED THAT VID, LIKE, 20 TIMES! IT'S ALMOST AS CLASSIC AS WHEN HE GOT CLOCKED. He hit the floor like a BITCH! LOURVE IT!

I still dig the Danzig Skull though.... even if It's HELLA ripped off from a Comic book.

YOU HAVE TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!

Thu, 08 Jan 2009 04:46:00 GMT

OKAY! I will ADMIT that I am OBSESSED with the night queen aria. I mean, for godsake! It's the most famous role for a lyric coloratura! I want nothing more than to master that role. Bitch, I can hit those high notes like they are nothing. I mean, I could even go higher, but there is no point as there isn't anything in Opera higher. I mean, I'd KILL to be a mezzo! All the great dramatic roles go to the Mezzos! I'd love to fucking attack something like (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eaJDvRx_p18) Ah, Pour Ce Soi, Je Suis Tatania but that's not going to happen. Yes, I know we could just change it to suit my range, but that's cheating. Oh god! You have to be GOOD as fuck to sing that. Of course I would link Callas, but Joan Sutherland did it FANTASTICALY too. Obviously. Psh. Like I even had to mention her. Her breath control is LEGENDARY! I mean, she fucking taught Pavarotti a bunch of breath control. You can see how he never drops his jaw to far when he sings. HA! I still remember the moment I realized I was twisting my skirt in my hands like he did his handkercheif. HA! He was such a cute guy.

ANY-FUCKING-HOW. I was looking around and found the most horrible version of The Magic Flute in English.
I HATE, HATE, HATE when people sing in English! FUCKING CHEATING! It ruins the whole thing for me! DEMAND THE BEST! DEMAND GERMAN!!!!

I forgot that if and when I get back with Mr. Waterbury that I have THREE songs to memorize. One in Italian (eh), German (YAY!), and French (God Help Me.)

Valkyrie & Wagner

Sun, 04 Jan 2009 15:08:00 GMT

So last night I took mom to see Valkyrie. God.... The movie made me feel bad. I mean, no, the movie was GOOD, but it made me feel bad because it reminded me that for the past three months I've not been singing. I mean, of course in a movie called Valkyrie they have to play Ride of the Valkyries in it. I knew that much going in, but when it actually played I felt HORRID. OH! And in the beginning of the film when Tom Cruise is speaking in German.... Yeah... That made me bummed too. And I have found I can't watch anything with Opera in it on TV, and I can't listen to Callas anymore. I just feel bad. OH! And to add to it I had a dream about my not singing,and I woke up feeling horribly let down with myself. I tried to call Mr. Waterbury in November. He got back to me at the end of the month. I called him back, and he never got back to me. I wonder if I should call again. I guess I could just ask if perhaps there was some sort of communication breakdown. I mean, it was December and he had his performances to stage. I would have loved to have seen it. They did (No, not the Ring,..now my mind is in Wagner mode......OH YEAH) The Magic Flute. I would have loved to have seen Der H�lle Rache performed live.

But yeah.... the movie was fine. The ending was predictable... I mean...Um...Yeah... Anyone else here take History in school? But it was a fun ride anyhow.

Games n Such

Fri, 02 Jan 2009 15:07:00 GMT

So last night I played Scatigories with my Mom, Nephew & his girlfriend. I hadn't played a game in so long... The game had lost it's dice. So we just picked at random letters. It was fun. Except for Mom's pathetic pity plea answers. For things found in her bedroom she put "loneliness," and for things she wished for she put "people." And when she delivered her answers verbally she did it in that pathetic "woe is me" tone. She didn't use it any other time. The rest of the time she was laughing. AND when I went to the Casino to visit Apollo's cage on New Years, she flipped. And I didn't do anything while I was there. I mean, I didn't even drink a soda. I cannot overstress the NOTHING that I did. In fact, trying to overstress the nothing I did would be doing more than I had done. Which, happens to be more than I have done on New Years Eves past! I told her I'd take her to the Movies New Years Day. Then I went over to her house to see if she was awake she just started crying and going on about how she wants to be FIRST to someone. I swear. I love her, but every time she starts going on with her pathetic paper thin rants for pity attention I just want to fucking bitch slap her. I mean, come on! I WAS THERE TO TAKE HER TO A MOVIE! PEOPLE WERE PLAYING GAMES WITH HER! She does have social interaction. I mean, for fucksake! If you want people to stick around you, here is an idea. While they are there, stop bitching about the fact that they are never there.

So it turns out that my family WILL NOT be having some kind of post-holiday dinner together now. I swear to God, my family owes Mom & I AT LEAST three back Christmases. They are pissin' me off. So now Christmas is a non-event at my house. It's depressing because Mom gets depressed. I'd be fine, I think. I mean, past two Christmases I've just opened presents for a small bit, then slept. But she gets bummed at the fact that Tammy & Shelly aren't there. I mean, Tammy, well, NO ONE knows what she did this Christmas. Not even her kids. Oh well. If that's how she wants it to be. Since her divorce she's been nuts. I mean, I don't want to say she's become an alcoholic, but if the shoe fits.... AND SHE KEEPS GETTING SPEEDING TICKETS. One more and her license is yanked. She's just a mess these days. I don't even know her anymore, and I don't care to.

OH! I bought Christopher this cool Ed Hardy Tee shirt for Christmas. He kept saying he wore an XL. I was all "I dunno, I think he needs an XXL." However, I was repeatedly re-asured that he was an XL. So he opens it, and puts it on... Yeah.. I should have gone with the XXL.

Broke as a Joke....

Tue, 30 Dec 2008 17:17:00 GMT

So, yes, it's horrible that the economy is going down the tubes...but, somehow, in a lot of ways, I welcome it. I mean, I hate how everyone is so fucking consumeristic. I hate how everyone just buys shit. No one ever tries to make shit. I think one of the best communities I belong to has to be Walton tech. I perfer to make my own things whenever I can. From food, to things around the house... It just has more of a soul to it. Also, I hella dig the history of the people from the 1940's, and how they could make do with so little. Why do we NEED so much shit? We are all just so fucking soft. I still think my dream house is Green Gables. I kind of enjoyed Christmas a lot more this year because of the fact that I made gifts for people. Sure, there wasn't a lot of stuff under the tree. In fact, it took about fifteen mins total to unwrap everything, but that's alright. I mean, I think the fun of Christmas is not so much Christmas day itself but rather the preperation for that day. So I enjoyed the holiday a lot more because I was spending more TIME on the people I care about. And when you are making something for someone, most times, at least with me, you are thinking about that person. By the way, Clint dug on the pants I sewed him. YAY. I still have a lot of that fabric leftover because he's so fucking tall. I may take and make him a scrap quilt from it for next year. I can't believe he's lost seven pounds. I remember the one time I saw that boy nakie.... I could have sworn he hadn't eaten since 1986. I forget what he told me he weighed, like, I dunno.... 160ish. ANYHOW... YEAH...I would rather see this economy crash, and have the people learn how to be strong and do things for themselves than for this univererse of pampered lap dogs continues to become softer. Besides, the will be a lot happier if they don't have to spend their every waking moment being worried about how to afford the next big toy.

And, oh yes... the Amy "thing." It was alright. But it was quite clear to me that I have outgrown her. That's nothing bad, it's more of a reflection on myself, and where I am. I mean, if you look at the people I chill with now, they are a LOT more mature, and more my speed. They also don't LIVE on weed. I fucking LOATH weed. I hate the smell of it, and it just makes you a boring person to be around. I think also a lot of my hatred towards marijuana has to do with Greg. God, so fucking hate that man and what he did to my life. WHY did I ever alow myself to be in that position? I am glad that he is gone, and he is someone I will NEVER hear from again. I will always be greatful to Clint for him helping me through that time. It was really the start of our friendship. I love how close we are. I also enjoy fuckin' with the heads of people who think we are, have been, or will be romanticaly linked. I still can't believe Verlania wouldn't let him talk to me when they were together. DUDE! IF I WERE GOING TO BE WITH HIM WOULDN'T THAT HAVE HAPPENED YEARS AGO? Whatever. They broke up and now we are allowed to be buddies again. Hooray. GOOD GOD! I AM THE TANGENT QUEEN! AMY! YES! GRRRR.... Okay. So, yeah, we had some fun running about Downtown Chico, but that was really it for me. PLUS! OMG! Sometimes it seems that she's trying to piggyback my friends. Not to sound snoby or anything, but I happen to be friends with some of the wonderful people. She has taken to contacting them. It's interesting. Okay, I heard the song "Pretty in Pink" and OF COURSE it made me think of Page and subsiquently her suicide. Then I said to myself outloud, "How long has she been gone now? Two years or three?" Then Amy said "two." She was right.... Why? How does she know this? And somehow, inside of me, I found the courage to tell her that I feel our friendship is forced now. She said she didn't see it. I don't know why. But JUST NOW she sent me a text message about this old mixed tape that I had made her YEARS AGO. It seems like she's trying to respark my interest in her. I mean, I don't know. I will always have a place in my heart for her, but it will never be the same.

Christmas....I guess

Fri, 26 Dec 2008 18:17:00 GMT

So I got off of work early. I'm supposed to drive up to see Amy, but now I'm not sure. I mean, since she's the kind of girl who would rather ignore a friendship than to even recognize there is a problem is something. I mean, I still don't know WHY her ass turned on me five years ago. Part of me wants to say it's Jason's fault. I don't know. Another part of me realizes I've outgrown her in some ways. She's an important part of my past, for sure. But after she started her smear campaign against me I pretty much divorced myself from her. I'm afraid to mention that I had a HUGE problem with her going through my bag the last time she was here. Yes, I had her belt in it, and intended to give it back, but STILL. You don't just fucking go through someones bag. We used to be four on the floor, but now. She's changed. I've changed. But all day I can't help but think, should I call her first before I drive all that way and see if this is something she is going to disown our friendship over? Should I do it last thing when I leave? Should I do it at all? I've been ignoring my anger all this time in the hopes it will go away. It hasn't. Whatever. It all means nothing anyhow. God. Listen to me, sitting here going on like this. I sound like such a fucking girl.

So Mom came over yesterday for Christmas. It was super small and took about twenty mins. Ever since Dad died my Sisters have become to self absorbed. Oh sure,they will come and see us on the third....but did they even BOTHER to call us yesterday? No. Fuck 'em. I don't really have any emotional ties to them anyhow. Isn't that horrid? The only people in my family that I have any feelings towards are Christopher, Mom, and.....wow. Short list.

Okay, but I did score some hella nifty stuffs. I got a TON of Alton Brown stuffs! YAY! Yep. I dig his show a ton.