Entries from the TallisAalryn blog http://www.thecure.com/user/default.aspx?mid=7102660 Wed, 08 Feb 2012 08:24:00 GMT http://backend.userland.com/rss http://www.thecure.com when I first came out as being trans...I had envisioned quiet teas with each of my friends and colleagues...I moved through this catalogue gracefully. My friends simply understood... Thing is coming out over and over again is painful over and over again...Every time It comes up it is rather the equivalent of standing in a crowd naked whilst tools of doom and mass destruction are leveled at my head proving/explaining convincing that I do indeed exist..as a solid and individuated being. this repeated process reminds me that I can not simply exist within the comfort zone of my self actualization... but must explain/prove/ my exact physiological being in regards to my self concept and identity. ..tying everything just mentioned in a philosophical bow that is both attractive and easy to swallow. SO from now on I'm going to wear a gender T, carry brochures and keep an auditorium booked so I can trans 101 a few hundred at a time... end Trans 101 rant. Educational oppurtunity in 321 Trans Etiquette http://tranifesto.com/transgender-faqs-and-info/trans-etiquette-for-non-trans-people/ 10 Things NOT to say to trans folk http://tranifesto.com/transgender-faqs-and-info/trans-etiquette-for-non-trans-people/ http://www.thecure.com/user/blog/default.aspx?mjid=38625&mid=7102660#38625 http://www.thecure.com:/MemberBlog/38625 Wed, 08 Feb 2012 08:24:00 GMT Alarm is going off beside my ear...but here too tucked in by an ear and a wing is Brie...sleeping as if the world never spun off it's axis atall. I think she might stay...the Inguinal orchidectomy now being an option...call me a guarded/ing optimist...not clever enough by half to get out of my own way... Damocles sword accessorized by feathers & dipped in hope...has become a constant companion...the shadow keeps my head warm. I held my breath...I didn't write...didn't read... was afraid I send this little planet of mine into fits should I move too quickly. Every ounce of energy went into survival...an attempt at normalcy...I stuck... and then a few days ago we were watching the Doctor season finale(ish)...The ep. with the Pandorica containing the sleeping once future and present Amy, who once again dreaming waits for the Doctors return. The Dr. expects that Rory (her knight in leather amore') will travel by way of Tardis to wake the sleeping beauty in another time... instead... Her Paramour, Rory gaurds the Pandorica while the Time Lord travels into the future present...2,000 years ahead of Rory and my...in fact...Rory endlessly/sleeplessly guards Ms. Amy for all of those 2,000 years...Pulling her to safety during the blitz. so there we are in bed, laptop all shiny and popcorn between naked thighs laughing...crying...enjoying the show...When during intermission...Brie pauses the Doc. looks at me and says..."your love is pure like that...y'd have waited the 2,000 years...thank you" followed by a bus and more popcorn. I am both complimented and terrified by this responsibility/expectation/hope/love/guilt/shame/passion. I believe this is what Mircea Eliade meant when he talked about mysterium tremendium... I am in human scale an undiluted & free of Disintegration 1/16mm of what I ought to be. Here's what's happened so far. Managed to get the endo & HRT lined up with a GP willing to work with transgender folks. Found a Urologist in the Bangor area to preform the sugery...and a P.H.D. to assure all three that Brie is not...erumph...off her nut. The work I am doing...in the trans community...to get health care for transfolk in an area where docs feel free to say "we don't deal with that sort of THING here" is "trailblazing", this also complimentary...but ye gods and monsters I says piss off...I'd prefer to travel the trail better defined by others in a first class compartment. I can't do this because nonesuch healthcare doesn't EXIST in Bangor Maine. I travel because it's necessary... Because a 31% successful suicide rate is well and away larger than it ought to be even in very bad made for TV dramatic movies. I am tired of burying friends and lovers and family. It is not brave you see, but desperation that moves me along... Mostly I feel skinless and vulnerable... I don't feel up to the task... all of this bullshit hero quest suffer for others is way too well entrenched in a Judeo-Christian ethic that nauseates me. So Me and Damocles will be hanging out for awhile... On this and only this do I wholeheartedly agree..Rory IS a terrible name for a centurion. http://www.thecure.com/user/blog/default.aspx?mjid=38567&mid=7102660#38567 http://www.thecure.com:/MemberBlog/38567 Fri, 20 Jan 2012 08:39:00 GMT to the hospital and back...or over the river and through the woods. Most of my agitating is on hiatus for the moment. I'm just trying to get through the last of the semester well...but this semester has had it's druthers tossed about in laundry rooms...emergency rooms...and presentation experiences. My partner has attempted suicide many times over the past months. The last time the police found her gone quite blue with her belt around her neck. They were able to bring her back...But I cannot say with any certainty that she truly wants to be back...she's growing thinner than a shadow by the moment...I promised to hold her hand along the way...this way...that way till the end of this time...and I am...but , oh it is exquisitely painful. I have been amazed at just how easily a person can disappear...again...again...again...my thoughts stumble over one another in a gruesome bit of leapfroggery... and that blue blue skin spilt milk on some distant grassy knoll...so i hold on to her hand...and know I can not think of the right words...nor can I ask her to stay http://www.thecure.com/user/blog/default.aspx?mjid=38521&mid=7102660#38521 http://www.thecure.com:/MemberBlog/38521 Thu, 22 Dec 2011 13:46:00 GMT love is second hand, well worn...passion...ready to ignite in an instant with only a well written phrase to light the way. http://nonamerah.wordpress.com/2011/10/03/869/ http://www.thecure.com/user/blog/default.aspx?mjid=38491&mid=7102660#38491 http://www.thecure.com:/MemberBlog/38491 Wed, 14 Dec 2011 18:25:00 GMT So there he is in almost all his glory! The tat gets finished this Sunday. I can hardly wait. Here's an idiot funny for you and me and Cletis too... New tat itching like crazy in class...can't scratch...smacking makes my eyes roll up into my head...zombies noises...truly it feels...quite close to orgasmic...My dog leg is on...and I'm smacking up a storm... so...my classmate/cohort...asks, " what are you doing" (I suppose it looked like I was self injuring or having fits) not thinking I say I'm smacking my kitty...the itch is insane... He say's, "they've penicillin for that sort of thing"...and for the rest of the day... walks about telling folks I like to hit my kitty...and he'd like to hit it too! ah the joys of grad school...and how easily we're amused during exam week! By Tuesday I'll be abusing my kitty again...lol http://www.thecure.com/user/blog/default.aspx?mjid=38447&mid=7102660#38447 http://www.thecure.com:/MemberBlog/38447 Fri, 18 Nov 2011 07:12:00 GMT For my new social network. Facebook...lets just say I get tired of having to outsmart the privacy changes. It's taking awhile to get the Alpha up...but looks like it's quickening. It's an odd name for a social network...and odder for my jewish self to have it on the lips from wiki: The Jewish diaspora (or simply the Diaspora) is the English term used to describe the Galut ???? (Yiddish: 'Golus'), or 'exile', of the Jews from the region of the Kingdom of Judah and Roman Iudaea and later emigration from wider Eretz Israel. The modern Hebrew term of Tefutzot ??????, "scattered", was introduced in the 1930s by the German-American Zionist academic Simon Rawidowicz,[1] who to some degree argued for the acceptance of the Jewish presence outside of the Land of Israel as a modern reality and an inevitability. So are they gathering the scattered or scattering the gathered? https://joindiaspora.com/ http://www.thecure.com/user/blog/default.aspx?mjid=38404&mid=7102660#38404 http://www.thecure.com:/MemberBlog/38404 Thu, 13 Oct 2011 10:23:00 GMT is satisfied...happiness I am http://www.thecure.com/user/blog/default.aspx?mjid=38403&mid=7102660#38403 http://www.thecure.com:/MemberBlog/38403 Thu, 13 Oct 2011 10:06:00 GMT This is real and radical change. Many more cities have joined in! Let's shake things up! If you can...Get Thee to Liberty Park! If you can't get thee there...send a donation... Mail The UPS Store Re: Occupy Wall Street 118A Fulton St. #205 New York, NY 10038 Money orders only please, cannot cash checks yet. Non-perishable goods only. We can accept packages of any size. We're currently low on food. Kevin Gosztola, FDL Direct Action to Happen Now In a private park known as Zuccotti Park, hundreds of protesters have been holding an occupation called Occupy Wall Street to call attention to corporate influence on US politics. The action began on September 17. Protesters were not allowed to go into the area on Wall Street they had planned to occupy because the NYPD put up blockades early in the morning. This did not deter the occupation. Protesters managed to earn permission to occupy Zuccotti Park and sleep in it. They have now slept in the park for two (twelve nights now) nights in a row. And, the area has been dubbed Liberty Plaza. Additionally. protesters managed to convince people from all over the world to support the continuation of the occupation and donate pizza. Noam Chomsky Announces Solidarity With #occupywallstreet Posted Sept. 26, 2011, 6:57 p.m. EST by OccupyWallSt Anyone with eyes open knows that the gangsterism of Wall Street -- financial institutions generally -- has caused severe damage to the people of the United States (and the world). And should also know that it has been doing so increasingly for over 30 years, as their power in the economy has radically increased, and with it their political power. That has set in motion a vicious cycle that has concentrated immense wealth, and with it political power, in a tiny sector of the population, a fraction of 1%, while the rest increasingly become what is sometimes called "a precariat" -- seeking to survive in a precarious existence. They also carry out these ugly activities with almost complete impunity -- not only too big to fail, but also "too big to jail." The courageous and honorable protests underway in Wall Street should serve to bring this calamity to public attention, and to lead to dedicated efforts to overcome it and set the society on a more healthy course. Noam Chomsky http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMijTX60r5w&feature=youtu.be http://www.thecure.com/user/blog/default.aspx?mjid=38363&mid=7102660#38363 http://www.thecure.com:/MemberBlog/38363 Thu, 29 Sep 2011 07:31:00 GMT when I found that posting blog here tied me into all and more of the worst music fan pages on the net. whatever it twas happened made it look as if I were posting on say The Jonas Brothers pages...a Jonas fan! *shivers whilst teeth chatter in mad crescendo* I'm still twitching. I've been up for 23 hrs in a row...(never straight) know that sputtery bright growl the candle burned at both ends gives off before it goes out...that's me the big bang...past the philosophical like and into the ridiculous / veeer slightly to the left & on till morning. just one more exam...just one more...exam... http://www.thecure.com/user/blog/default.aspx?mjid=38361&mid=7102660#38361 http://www.thecure.com:/MemberBlog/38361 Wed, 28 Sep 2011 21:04:00 GMT A diller, a dollar, a ten o'clock scholar! What makes you come so soon? You used to come at ten o'clock, But now you come at noon. Hurricane not so much here. power flux'd a bit. Off for my emergency book loan. Because I'm a "new" student they withhold financing till September @ some point...no-one knows what point...The mercurial and somehow still fastidious piety of the bursars tight lipped pout would be the reason I come at noon...how frustrating! whic http://www.thecure.com/user/blog/default.aspx?mjid=38312&mid=7102660#38312 http://www.thecure.com:/MemberBlog/38312 Mon, 29 Aug 2011 07:27:00 GMT calls and last minute details today. RnR after 6 hrs of driving yesterday. I'm not sure how I can be so excited and so sleepy at the same time well maybe Monday Hurricane alert is on for this weekend...This be Maine tho...so it's going to have to be spectacular to delay by a red~hot minute?! I've been to school with well over a foot of snow, seventy mile an hour winds and minus 40f... http://www.thecure.com/user/blog/default.aspx?mjid=38304&mid=7102660#38304 http://www.thecure.com:/MemberBlog/38304 Fri, 26 Aug 2011 09:34:00 GMT I can't get there but perhaps some of you can! http://nordicworlds.net/2011/08/18/program-for-fashion-through-the-looking-glass-symposium-exciting-speakers-from-ccp-games-linden-lab-mind-ark-bosl-and-fashion-research-institute/ http://www.thecure.com/user/blog/default.aspx?mjid=38296&mid=7102660#38296 http://www.thecure.com:/MemberBlog/38296 Tue, 23 Aug 2011 08:47:00 GMT Insanity living with an alcoholic you know.insanity to be expected...looked forward to...prepared for...ridiculous. I found myself tall enough to ride... This ride.with her...love all the jolts and heights and lows...its elegant sloppy twists and turns. But When the zany madcap fizzy adventures turn dark and involve cleavers nothing and everything can't be expected at once.There is no prep. for madness (the other thing that perches in the soul) My life is well ordered...on paper I've done so much this year.nailed down my degree with Latin honors in Classics and Women's Studies, got a permit, learned to drive, move, finish divorcing, changed my name, started a trans support group.signed up for certification courses in mental health human services/ sub category geriatrics.all of it exactly what where and when I've always wanted to be. The rest of the time.damage control riding the Freakshow rollercoaster .stuck in the middle of a room for a week at a time. juggling sharp objects. random branding and episodic wrestling deathmatch challenges. From bad to worst seems a simple way to express the soft slide into never sleep.hypervilagence.the all underbelly.all the time.motherfatherwardenish days and days and days. In the end the last juggling act.have clever will cut.hourshourshours.of knockdown drag out steal the vorpal resulted in a trip to the hospital for B. If I ever lost strength.if ever I got tired.I knew what the outcome would be...moonlight on the vorpal blade is not atall romantic...sinister...crocodile charming...pain leaking out of the corners of her violet eyes... So I all cracked and shaky I made the call.dreaded call.worst call.only call. She spent awhile afterwards hating me. not much to be done about that. I explained in my best Vulcan via Borg that the primary objective was simply to keep her alive long enough to make a sober decision about whether or not she wanted to stick around.no crying no mucking about. I don't know what happens next.the best and worst bit of hoping. I am a bit under wether myself...still trying to process the tangles in limb and image...wondering if it could have all happened in a nightmare somewhere... I ask here where she is from time to time...she feels so far away... Of course, as I don't know where I am either...neither of us can get "home"snuggled in or safe & as I'm also wildly unsure of the latitude and longitude of our secret scratchings on northern trees...our sacred language...the Ogham posts along the way which made us whom we are... can these posts truly be said to be the best of landmarks in a world I don't recognize as my own!? http://www.thecure.com/user/blog/default.aspx?mjid=38294&mid=7102660#38294 http://www.thecure.com:/MemberBlog/38294 Mon, 22 Aug 2011 19:24:00 GMT leaves very little room for thunking nor thinking neither. http://www.thecure.com/user/blog/default.aspx?mjid=38256&mid=7102660#38256 http://www.thecure.com:/MemberBlog/38256 Thu, 04 Aug 2011 20:56:00 GMT for the original 13 ghosts in all it's campy glory! the portal is through letmewatchthis.ch http://stagevu.com/video/eiaazlnihgbw and the cake is waiting on the other side http://www.thecure.com/user/blog/default.aspx?mjid=38253&mid=7102660#38253 http://www.thecure.com:/MemberBlog/38253 Tue, 02 Aug 2011 18:09:00 GMT Finally arrived! http://www.thecure.com/user/blog/default.aspx?mjid=38252&mid=7102660#38252 http://www.thecure.com:/MemberBlog/38252 Tue, 02 Aug 2011 17:41:00 GMT Here's what I've been looking at. Claustrophobic work to be sure.not for the faint of sensibility http://www.joecoleman.com/odditorium/main http://www.thecure.com/user/blog/default.aspx?mjid=38251&mid=7102660#38251 http://www.thecure.com:/MemberBlog/38251 Tue, 02 Aug 2011 17:35:00 GMT Alt. between rage and grief . Feel hollowed out and echo full. http://www.thecure.com/user/blog/default.aspx?mjid=38243&mid=7102660#38243 http://www.thecure.com:/MemberBlog/38243 Tue, 26 Jul 2011 17:54:00 GMT how many nights are just tonight. How do I refuse to hope.keep my skin unsalted and right side in? I ask ..in all earnestness.how many more nightsthatrunintodaysthatrunintonights. all of these without you in them.just that empty thing you leave behind to mark your place in our bed.oh what grace that first swallow jagged yes...Weenvy your specialness you firstandbest of all...how kind you areto you free to do as you will evolved and unencumbered by cares and others drink up little bird shake the branches whilstyourloves drop like cherry blossoms into the honey you do turning overworlds.apartmentssheetsshelvesandsealingwax like no-one I ever knew all of us fools. anothernight of scouting hostile camps looking through your broken windows.peeping over walls of lies.we try to get warm..look to a fire.youtaketaketake. the son for yourselfburnbright with our fevers sleepsleepsleep we are feeding the worms at the bottom of your bottles. & yourbottles are a hundred on the wall.never the less forknocking them down. I come just recent now...to furious think just for tonight Ineedthis hate hope. unableto digest promises of fairer days. the sorts of days where we mightmatter like you do.epic. you know. all of everything that exists in YOURworld for now broken I would take sleep as better than hope. http://www.thecure.com/user/blog/default.aspx?mjid=38239&mid=7102660#38239 http://www.thecure.com:/MemberBlog/38239 Tue, 26 Jul 2011 01:47:00 GMT was just mailed out today...my totem...my fetish...guardian and...ahhhhhh http://www.thecure.com/user/blog/default.aspx?mjid=38231&mid=7102660#38231 http://www.thecure.com:/MemberBlog/38231 Wed, 20 Jul 2011 21:59:00 GMT Stolen Child By W.B. Yeats Where dips the rocky highland Of Sleuth wood in the lake There lies a leafy island Where flapping herons wake The drowsy water rats There we've hid our fairy vats Full of berries And of Reddest Stolen Cherries. Come away oh human child To the waters and the wild With a fairy hand in hand For the world's more full of weeping Than you can understand Where the wave of moonlight glosses The dim grey sands with light By far off the furthest roses We foot it all the night Weaving olden dances Mingling hands and mingling glances Till the moon has taken flight To and fro we leap And chase the frothy bubbles Whilst the world is full of troubles And is anxious in it's sleep Come away oh human child To the waters and the wild For the world's more full of weeping Than you can understand Where the wandering water gushes From the hills above glen car In pools amung the rushes That scarce could bathe a star We seek for slumbering trout And whispering in their ears Give them unquiet dreams Leaning softly out From ferns that drop their tears Over the young streams Come away oh human child To the waters and the wild For the World's more full of weeping Than you can understand Away with us he's going The solemned eyed He'll bear no more the lowing Of the calves on the warm hillside Or the kettle on the hob Sing peace into his breast Or see the brown mice bob Round and round the oatmeal chest Come away oh human child To the waters and the wild For the world's more full of weeping Than you can understand For he comes, the human child To the waters and the wild With a faery hand in hand For the world is more full of weeping Than you can understand http://www.thecure.com/user/blog/default.aspx?mjid=38222&mid=7102660#38222 http://www.thecure.com:/MemberBlog/38222 Tue, 12 Jul 2011 07:49:00 GMT Cheshire Cat: "Those who say there's nothing like a nice cup of tea for calming the nerves never had 'real' tea. It's like a syringe of adrenaline straight to the heart!" http://ken-wong.deviantart.com/ http://www.thecure.com/user/blog/default.aspx?mjid=38220&mid=7102660#38220 http://www.thecure.com:/MemberBlog/38220 Mon, 11 Jul 2011 22:18:00 GMT So Alice and I are trying to make a go of crossing the vents in the Oriental Garden/Scorched Earth portion of chapter 3...alot...A full hour of hop skip jump...when I let out a primal...guttersnipe worthy growl...at this very moment my PS3 informs me that I have WON the venting frustration award. My paramour now insists that the box has an E-motion detector. I'm not entire convinced she's wrong. http://www.thecure.com/user/blog/default.aspx?mjid=38209&mid=7102660#38209 http://www.thecure.com:/MemberBlog/38209 Thu, 07 Jul 2011 03:06:00 GMT I've this persistent itch where my wings ought to go! http://www.thecure.com/user/blog/default.aspx?mjid=38208&mid=7102660#38208 http://www.thecure.com:/MemberBlog/38208 Wed, 06 Jul 2011 17:48:00 GMT At 10:00 am the great shuffle towards the library's granite steps started with a creak and several sniffles. It did my heart some goodish turn to see so many of us.homeless. Freaks.elderly.business folk.and ultra cools saunter in like penitents on a rather hung over Sunday morning. There was no bell tolling for me or thee or those neither.just a promise caught under the skin.that the next words will drop me to my knees. This is the sort of Holy I like.In the stacks praying for salvation.slick spine articulated .stretched.languid tight on the shelf. I take them home.almost never disappointed http://www.thecure.com/user/blog/default.aspx?mjid=38207&mid=7102660#38207 http://www.thecure.com:/MemberBlog/38207 Tue, 05 Jul 2011 12:01:00 GMT Love the blog feature! http://www.thecure.com/user/blog/default.aspx?mjid=38206&mid=7102660#38206 http://www.thecure.com:/MemberBlog/38206 Mon, 04 Jul 2011 12:06:00 GMT