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Posted by leahcl on 11/3/2011 9:49 PM (GMT-04:00)
Hi Melanie, I hope you are doing really well. I am doing excellent and I have just got a job! It took a while but it is absolutely perfect for me. I am starting to believe that everything happens for a reason again or maybe just that shit happens. How are you doing at school? Any new boy dramas? wishing you health and happiness :)
Posted by leahcl on 7/31/2011 7:00 PM (GMT-04:00)
Please to hear you're moving forward, sounds like CAMHS are a great help. I am really well. I have just started a MYOB course which I am enjoying. It is great to be learning something new and it should help me get a part time office job. Ahh boys. boys will always keep life interesting and they can be such a roller coaster! Best wishes and thanks for letting me know that you're OK :)
Posted by leahcl on 7/26/2011 10:57 PM (GMT-04:00)
Just checking in to say hi and that I hope you're doing well. :)
Posted by leahcl on 6/26/2011 9:35 PM (GMT-04:00)
I think that it human nature for the mind to search for answers when what is happening to it doesn't make sense and sometimes what it comes up is fukd. I started to become ill toward the end of 2008. I was in a car accident and that may have been the cause but it may have just been bad luck - I think I've mentioned it before that it is a chemical imbalance in the brain. My doctor seems to now think that it was the Depression that came first and that a psychosis manifested itself. My kids took it as it came I suppose. I remember weeping while I was reading them night time stories and they were so used to it that they would not ask me what was wrong. They did go through a phase when they tore up all of their books. My son asked me a couple of months ago why I used to talk to myself. My answer about the time that I was ill was that I had a sore head. What could be strange to you is that throughout that time I was not suicidal, my head was just physically fukd. It was only in August 2010 or so that I was so exhausted that I had no will to live. I know now that my head works harder than it should and probably will continue to because of the anti-psychotic medicine. The one question that I still have is how the family around me let it go on, I must have looked like I was on drugs. I did push it all away when I was around them but still. Maybe because my husband came home from work exhausted he never paid attention?, thought it was my way and that I was just unhappy in the marriage? Who knows. I never told them about my symptoms. My answer when he did start to question me was that it was probably because I had been at home with the kids for too long. The alarm bells really started to go off in Feb 2010 when I started laughing spontaneously to myself and when I ended up in hospital from having an anxiety attack. I thought I was going to die that day. You are already way ahead by getting help for yourself and bringing what you are going through to the attention of your family. No one will ever fully understand what you are going through because they can't see it or feel it. It is quite a lonely place to be, but in the end we are are all alone in life and have to be self sufficient. It is unfortunate that your innocence has been stripped away so early, thats how I felt anyway, stripped of my innocence. Now that I have worked my way through the crap I am now pretty happy, I just need to find myself a school hours job..... Hope you're having a good day :)
Posted by leahcl on 6/23/2011 10:30 PM (GMT-04:00)
You know it is interesting that mental illness is just like any illness, with the right treatment you can live a normal life - the doctor just has to find what's right for you. I am very lucky, it took him under a year to get it right and it would have been sooner had I been honest about my symptoms. Because I was in a psychosis and still able to function I took the delusions as they came. I believe you when you say you saw a girl, they can probably fester in many ways. Some of mine included that I was being followed via satellite, that my watch was a transmitter, (you know how you sometimes see people talking to themselves?), that the television was current and about my life, that people were actually talking to me through the television, that the lines that appear on the television were people saying hello, and that everyone was in on it. Oh and all the links to stuff through songs! Everything had to mean something fcked. I believed that the sound was turned on and transmitted from my house with everything exposed. I think that was the hardest one, thinking that everything that I said and did was being watched or heard. All this happened while I was caring for my two children. It has all gone now. Breaking down the memories, forgiving myself and moving on took a bit to get through. I had literally gone insane and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. The less crap that you have to look back on the better. I hope all goes well for you in the near future. You have been brave enough to to be honest with yourself and set it all up for yourself. You should be pleased. It has actually been great for me to explain myself to you. It does lighten the load. Bye for now xoxo
Posted by MelaniePhoebex on 6/21/2011 12:12 PM (GMT-04:00)
Posted by leahcl on 6/14/2011 10:26 PM (GMT-04:00)
The meeting with your Mum and the Councellor doesn't sound like a bad thing. By now they have got a better picture of how you're doing and the could be seeing what your parents can't or won't. A reason why your head is tired may be because it is working harder than it should be. A visit to a GP may be the way to go, but you will need to be totally honest even if it is in front of your Mum. Explain to them what you have tried to make it better and whether you think it has worked. When I was first diagnosed I was treated for schizophrenia only and even after I came out of hospital I was having delusions and I started hearing voices. I tried to fix myself so I wouldn't have to go back to hospital. I got rid of the voices by challenging them by writing. One time I walked in to see my doctor and he tried to give me anti depressants but I didn't take them because I still thought I could fix the rest. It was exhausting and at the end of it i was having pains/funny heads and had lost the will to live. It was only when I ended up back in hospital that I started taking them as well as needing ECT. That is how I know that it is better to get help as early as possible, so it doesn't get worse..
Hope you are having a good day today :)
Posted by leahcl on 6/12/2011 7:41 PM (GMT-04:00)
Good to here from you too. I recall a day group session when one woman asked 'who thinks that they started taking anti depressants too late?', every single person in the group raised their hand. You are doing the right thing spilling everything next time including the cutting. You shouldn't be left the way you are. You must be exhausted. If you think that you need an appointment sooner than they have booked, call them and make it. Over the last year I have done quite a lot on Mindfulness. It is the practice of living in the present moment and the understanding that you are not your thoughts. I am able to have dark thoughts and move on from them quickly so that I don't ruminate. You might find keeping a thoughts diary helpful also http://www.cognitivebehaviourtherapy.org.uk/guides/depression/monitoring Wishing you the best, Leah xoxo
Posted by leahcl on 6/5/2011 9:45 PM (GMT-04:00)
I am so pleased you are on the right track. It can be difficult for family to understand and accept the illness. In time they will accept it. Your Mum probably never saw herself with a child that suffered from depression. In her mind she may be trying to deflect blame away from herself as she may think that she contributed to the illness, (which of course she didn't). You would be surprised just how many people out there take anti depressants, they even hand them out over here to mothers that are having trouble breastfeeding their babies. Your Mum probably has friends that take them. It could be worse - you could have been diagnosed with cancer or a million other things. If you are still feeling bad keep calling out for help, did they give you medication? I hope they get back to you soon with some more support. It is fantastic that you now have support at school also. yay! You won't drown because you have found a life vest :) Be patient, it will get better...
Posted by leahcl on 5/29/2011 9:07 PM (GMT-04:00)
Just stopping by to say hello. I hope you are doing well, best wishes :)
Posted by AmyleeStrange on 5/18/2011 4:56 PM (GMT-04:00)
just wanted to thank you for contributing your great ideas to the neverending story... :) looking forward to the new adventures... :)
Posted by MelaniePhoebex on 4/20/2011 3:13 PM (GMT-04:00)
Happy Birthday Robert!! Have a great day dude ;p We all wish you a happi birthday :D
Posted by Glimmer on 4/14/2011 3:34 PM (GMT-04:00)
Welcome to thecure.com :)
Posted by mushroomking on 3/28/2011 4:11 PM (GMT-04:00)
always a good desision to bring the little ones :) and keep the Cure on top \m/ -_- \m/
Posted by mushroomking on 3/28/2011 1:15 PM (GMT-04:00)
indeed I sdo believe you are the youngest... for now that is... things are always changing around here XD
Posted by mushroomking on 3/28/2011 1:05 PM (GMT-04:00)
in time I would supose there would be an IM flying up but as for now.... sadly there is none :( but alas we are all well and doing great XD I think you may be one of the youngest on here... but I'm not sure....
Posted by mushroomking on 3/28/2011 12:47 PM (GMT-04:00)
indeed mushrooms that are blue are an interesting thing to see XD but alas! we may talk intime, or when ever you feel like talking that is XD and so I leave you with hello. a hello that ends with see you around, yeah? XD
Posted by JustMel on 3/28/2011 12:34 PM (GMT-04:00)
No, my name is Melinda aka Mel. It looks like you have your answer about being the youngest member here. If memory serves me correctly, there are a few who are about your age. If they didn't reply yet, it's probably because they haven't return to the site. Keep an eye out for them when there is some new news to comment on.
Posted by MelaniePhoebex on 3/24/2011 5:28 PM (GMT-04:00)
Can anyone tell me if I am the youngest person on the forum? coz everyone else seems way older than me or am I just not looking hard enough, help please?!! thanks xxx
Posted by ti8tgowbb on 3/24/2011 5:21 PM (GMT-04:00)
Posted by MelaniePhoebex on 3/24/2011 7:40 AM (GMT-04:00)
Posted by AuntieHelen on 2/25/2011 1:52 PM (GMT-04:00)
Yes my cat is quite handsome - although I feel bad as I haven't posted a pic of his sister - she's a stunner too! Well I hope to see you about soon, we'll talk then! :)
Posted by AuntieHelen on 2/22/2011 1:53 PM (GMT-04:00)
Thank you for your friend request. I don't think we've spoken properly on here before so I was a bit surprised! :) - but I have read some of your posts and you seem to have your head screwed on (which is more than can be said for some!) Nice to meet you anyway & thanks again for the friend request - looking forwards to speaking to you properly!
Posted by cats_n_cheese on 2/21/2011 2:47 PM (GMT-04:00)
Thanks for the friend request!! I hope you enjoy it here. It's a little quiet these days, but it's always nice to pop on and see what's happening :-)
In the Dales, UK
Essex, England, UK
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Miles away..., NV, US