Posted by JimCrow202 on 5/11/2013 10:41 AM (GMT-04:00)
Thank you.I don't know.I have only one e-mail address,sufficient for my activity here.
Maybe I have to change my mind when the year is over or earlier.Bye!
Posted by JimCrow202 on 5/8/2013 10:46 AM (GMT-04:00)
You said there‘s no way to send or receive PM,but for what is the contact column
on the left side of your and my page?You have an WINDOWS LIVE account,for example.
It's just an e-mail address?Thank you for your patience.---
Posted by JimCrow202 on 5/4/2013 5:25 AM (GMT-04:00)
I'm sorry,Leah,but I don't understand the meaning of these box,because there are only
indications for new messages,but I have,of course,a different e-mail account.My first
thought was,these box is useful for sending private messages.That's not the case so far.
Instant messaging would be an solution,or not?What do you think?You have more practical
knowledge than I.-
Posted by JimCrow202 on 5/2/2013 2:11 PM (GMT-04:00)
I don't know how to handle it.Can you help me?Thanks.-
Posted by blacklily on 3/16/2013 12:21 AM (GMT-04:00)
Ok, I also heard "I'll Be Lovin' You" the other day as well. It's like the music at my work has started playing songs that were really popular in the late 80's and early 90's too. I did hear "In Between Days" recently, that was a highpoint of my day! Your boyfriend looked like Jordan Knight huh? I'd say that he and the one Wahlberg guy were my favorites..All is well here, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a show closer to me. Montreal is close, but getting to Canada now requires passports and that kind of stuff. It's much more complicated than it was 20 years ago. Still, it's exciting that there are more dates to come, and I'm expecting "Sandtrap" to be on their next album, a hidden track perhaps?! LOL
Posted by blacklily on 2/16/2013 1:07 AM (GMT-04:00)
I actually heard New Kids On The Block on the radio at work today "The Right Stuff" It made me laugh, just thought I'd tell ya :D take care :)
Posted by Glimmer on 1/30/2013 11:04 PM (GMT-04:00)
I do believe that Robert's AMI/WESTILLHERE? was in reference to your roll call post:)
Posted by blacklily on 10/21/2012 11:26 PM (GMT-04:00)
Thanks for friending me :D
Posted by MelaniePhoebex on 12/3/2011 5:09 AM (GMT-04:00)
Hey Leah(: Congratulations on finding a job! I hope you enjoy it and it goes well :P I'm doing alright at the moment, school still sucks as always (my GCSE classes are full of idiots and sluts) :/ but I think I'm finally finding myself XD I think everything happens for a reason and it makes you a stronger person. I have a boifriend ;D I will be with him 4 months on the 10th of December (: he makes me so happy :$ How are you? Gosh, I haven't been on here for agessss! I look forward to hearing from you :p Wishing you all the happiness you deserve :D I hope you're well
(P.S I have a good relationship with my mom now too!)
Posted by macswftomov on 12/1/2011 10:40 PM (GMT-04:00)
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Posted by startrekcurelover on 11/29/2011 11:32 PM (GMT-04:00)
Smank you for being kind enough to befriend me! Have a goo d rest of the day!!!!
Posted by startrekcurelover on 11/25/2011 3:20 AM (GMT-04:00)
Posted by cats_n_cheese on 8/20/2011 12:50 PM (GMT-04:00)
Is double Cats a good thing or a bad thing?! ;-)
Posted by cats_n_cheese on 8/17/2011 4:19 PM (GMT-04:00)
I got my old profile back!
Posted by catsncheese on 8/17/2011 11:30 AM (GMT-04:00)
Thanks for the friend request! But it's made me realise something... my old username had underscores!
Posted by Basileus on 8/9/2011 8:56 PM (GMT-04:00)
...I hope you get the email from this...I got in and posted on the forum....
Posted by MelaniePhoebex on 8/1/2011 4:40 PM (GMT-04:00)
(: Boy problem solved (; And good luck on your course, and finding a job (: it’s great to know you’re okaii, and I hope ur having an awesome summer (:
Posted by MelaniePhoebex on 7/28/2011 1:43 PM (GMT-04:00)
Hello Leah :D I’m very well (i think?) how are you? Things are alright at the moment kinda :/ I’m having a problem with a boy, but that’s it. I went to CAMHS too and I got some homework from them (: I have to keep a dairy, I had to count all the rubbish I saw on my way home and I have to do this thing where I tap or squeeze the side of my hand :p All is going well I think :S I hope you are well and are having an awesome day x
Posted by Basileus on 7/1/2011 10:49 PM (GMT-04:00)
...on your youtube PM....
Posted by Basileus on 7/1/2011 2:48 PM (GMT-04:00)
...hey leah, our mutual friend was in touch with me...there is much to talk about...do you have a youtube I can PM you with or is this email current?....contact me asap....
Posted by MelaniePhoebex on 6/30/2011 3:23 PM (GMT-04:00)
Trying to find answer in a state like this is very hard as no one really knows how to answer the questions you have, because no one really understands. It’s like an impossible task, but as you yourself start to realise what’s happening to yourself, I’ve found that I understand these feelings more. The emptiness is there for one reason or another; I’ve just got to fill it in. I was very happy from Saturday to Tuesday, it was like something had filled the void from that short amount of time and it felt really good. I’ve noticed that every time I’m happy everyone else is sad, so when they are all happy and I’m the one who’s sad, they wonder why I get pissed when they say oh just smile for once and my response is not what they expect, a big fat fuck off. I’m trying to regain that feeling but it’s hard to find it because I don’t know why I got it or where it came from? I don’t feel suicidal when I’m miserable either; it’s just when I’m exhausted, when I feel like I can’t take this anymore. That’s what annoys me a bit with counsellors and stuff they think you’re wanting to kill yourself all the time and that death is the only way when in reality your not. You think of alternative things, you think about getting better with the help of other or just helping yourself don’t you? You don’t just go my life’s shit let’s just die because it’s not like that. I think that’s one thing people mistake. Your kids must be pretty young right? I threw a lot of things away at one point because I was sad. There’s been so many shit things in my life my doctor couldn’t place one of them and say that was the likely cause; he thinks I’ve been this way since I was very little, he thinks it’s just my life that the cause, well, the things that have happened in my life; my dad leaving when I’m quite a daddy’s girl, my little sister getting ill when she was a baby, my mom on the edge of death on a number of occasions, my dad going off and starting a new family, my family just fell apart at one point, everyone has this hate for one another and I’m just like really?! We’re supposed to be a fucking family! Not hating each other like we do. My mom thinks I’m a brat at the moment for wanting my lip pierced. I’m a brat? Yea okaii, do you want to see the people I go to school with? She’ll think twice about that after she sees them! I wonder how my family couldn’t have seen this coming either, but they kinda ignored me until now. I’m just thinking right now people say I spend too much time away from everyone and too much time in my room alone like it’s my fault, but I’ve always been like it? Even when I was little I use to play with my dolls in my room on my own and no one done anything about it so it’s not just my fault, it’s there’s too. I tried to mask it from them too, but as my brother has said on a number of occasions, they could all see a difference in me. I just think, then why didn’t you do something? Why did you just leave me to fall like this? I have no idea. That’s still a question I’m still waiting to answer. I think I’ve told you before I don’t like crying. I was told a little while ago that tears were words a broken heart couldn’t talk, and I think that’s very true. If it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t be getting help. I wouldn’t have told anyone. I would still be falling. I’m so glad that I decided to post that shit about school on here, or my life could be getting worse. I know no one will fully understand, but the people who will understand the most is the people who have gone through it themselves, that’s why I love talking to you, because you don’t just say what people have told you it is like doctors and counsellors do, you know how it is. It makes it that tiny bit less lonely, just gives me hope that I’ll get better because you’re better now and some day I’ll be better no matter how long it takes. We are all alone in this world; I think people depend on others and things a bit too much, I mean even your own shadow leaves you when your in the dark. Stripped of my innocence, that’s exactly what I am. And it’s hard too look at all my friend who are full of innocence, but one day they’ll experience something that’ll make them understand life a bit better. I feel I’ve still got a lot to learn, but I already know so much more than them. Good luck finding a job to fit school hours! Hope you are well and that your having a good day :p xx
Posted by MelaniePhoebex on 6/24/2011 2:03 PM (GMT-04:00)
Leah, talking to someone does tend to help I’ve noticed :D I talked to my brother yesterday and I told him everything; he doesn’t really understand, but I know he’s trying too. Then I talk to you; someone I know understands, you’re the only person who really does. A lot of people think I shouldn’t be talking to you; but what the fuck do they know? You’re the one who’s helped me the most out of everyone; I don’t see what’s wrong with talking to someone who understands. I used to think when I was younger the people in the TV could see me and hear what I was saying and I hated it because you could never make fun of them because they might hear you or jump out the TV and get you. I often think know that my reflection in the mirror is me but in another universe, or another time, or just in a better place. Or they are trapped and are trying to tell me something; what they’d what to tell me I don’t know? I sometimes spend a long time looking in the mirror just thinking about the possibilities. I also sometimes think that this is all a dream or someone else is dreaming of me. That soon either I or they will wake up and everything will be gone. That’s what I think the end of the world is or when someone dies; that’s someone waking up from their dream, then they’ll go to sleep the next night and dream of someone new. It seems a little mad, but I believe in some kind of Wonderland too. I know there might be a better place. That must have been hard for you and your kids, do they remember it? How long ago did this happen? Sorry if I seem nosey, I’m just curious. I’m so glad you’re better and that you’re happy (well, it seems like you are) and I’m so glad that I found you, or I would still be getting worse and worse, and no one would have known until it was too late. You’ve saved my life, you really have :] you deserve all the happiness in the world and I wish you the best always. You’re amazing; I will never forget what you’ve told me; or forget you. Thanks for everything, I really mean it. Best Wishes ;) Melanie Phoebe xoxo
Posted by MelaniePhoebex on 6/21/2011 12:08 PM (GMT-04:00)
I’ve decided not to go and do the meeting with my mom; I didn’t really think it was the right thing to do? I am so tired lately it’s unbelievable, I fell asleep in one of my lessons today x_x it was only for like 5 minutes thou ;P When I see the doctor I will try to tell him as much as I can, but when I go and see the man at CAMHS I will tell him everything. I think I shocked my mom when I said I didn’t want her in there with me. I got a letter from them yesterday too, just an overview of the first session thingy. What you went through sounds so terrifying...you are better now, aren’t you? Delusions are like ‘seeing’ things aren’t they? If I told you I used to see a little girl would you believe me? I used to see a little girl standing in my door way a few months back, she was there for a while but she’s gone now, well, for now she is. She didn’t say anything she was just there, and it was only at night or in the evening. I haven’t told anyone about it....no one will believe me anyway. ECT, it sounds so scary, I couldn’t imagine going through that. I was meant to see my counsellor today but she was ‘too busy too see me’. At the moment, I kinda depend on those talks with her to get me through the last weeks of school, because there’s no one else to talk too really apart from you :], I’m just wondering about the summer...a whole six weeks on my own O_o. I hope you are well and best wishes MelaniePhoebe x
Posted by MelaniePhoebex on 6/14/2011 12:00 PM (GMT-04:00)
I think I’ve made the wrong decision :’( My counsellor lady at school asked me if I wanted my mom to come in so we three could have a talk and I said yes but now I think about it I really don’t want too, and she said she’s ringing my mom today or tomorrow X_X If she hasn’t done it today I will go there tomorrow and tell her I don’t want it anymore....I don’t know what made me say yes! Anyway, I had a look at that website and I printed off some of those dairy sheets and I have a diary anyway because I thought it’d be a good idea to keep one so I could write everything down rather than bottle it up. Did you think you started taking anti-depressants too late too? I’m apparently going to see the man I saw last time again, so it’ll be maybe kinda easier to tell him everything, it’s just sometimes hard for me to get the words out right. I’m thinking about going to my GP because CAMHS takes FOREVER to sort things out, and get some medication, because I think I need it, I’m almost certain I do. I am always drained, or most of the time. It’s really stupid. I have to drag myself out of bed every single day and I have to make myself go to school. Then I have to make myself do the work. Walking to and from school, even though I live a couple of streets away, I too tired and its so much effort to drag my feet along the ground, and my boots weigh a ton so that kinda don’t help and carrying half a zillion bags>.< I think I’m OVER tired, can you been over tired? My blank-out structure to make my room darker hasn’t quite worked as now it’s all fallen down (I must use something strong than tape). The Mindfulness thing sounds cool, I think the counsellor was talking about something like that the other day but I can’t remember what she called it? We’ve also been talking about conditioning? I think sometimes ‘it’s fine and dandy that they tell us how to do this that and the other and lock out horrible thoughts and stuff, but when it actually comes to the point, I can’t do it?’ they make it sound so easy!! And it’s really not :P
Hope you are well and happy :D MelaniePhoebe xxx
Posted by MelaniePhoebex on 6/12/2011 10:16 AM (GMT-04:00)
Leah, I always love hearing from you, it makes me hopeful and it always make me smile :D You’re like my hero :P sounds a little silly but it’s true. I don’t think my mum really understands; I think she thinks she knows everything what’s going on and she thinks I knows how I feel, but she just don’t. She really just doesn’t know how this feels. There’s no point trying to explain it either coz she just get’s pissy. I think there’s a problem with our relationship anyway, she seems to be slipping away. Oh well -.- No they didn’t give me meds yet I haven’t even got a counsellor or therapist yet, the first time I went to CAMHS was just so they could get a bigger picture on what was going on. I really think I should have said more while I was there, I regret not just letting it all out there, when I do see the next counsellor dude thou I will tell them everything. I’ve been at the bungalow (the place at school I can go) a lot. Lately, I’ve been having a lot more darker moments than before it’s not just every so often anymore, it’s all the time, every day, and I’m really really trying so hard to be patient and thinking that one day it’ll all be okaii, but you know I still feel so alone and I don’t know If I can do this on my own. I cut myself in the first time in ages the other week, then again the other day, and it just makes me think that I can’t do this anymore. But I have to stay strong really don’t I? Four years (or more) of being strong and getting through this, and now I’m finally getting help, but I think I’ve got help too late? What if it doesn’t work? My teacher/counsellor lady said that your room can become like a prison and that you can with draw from life in it, and I think I’m already being pulled that way. It’s like for every good thing that happen 10 bad things happen too. Have you ever done this thing called ‘deep relaxation’ with a counsellor or something? Well basically you have to lie down and close your eyes and your counsellor describes as best as they can a place you like to be. First they start with colour, then you have to slowly inhale then slow exhale letting your head and shoulders relax into the pillows and you do this all the way down until you get to your feet, describing all senses. Miss said if you feel uncomfortable say stop. In the middle of it, I felt like I was falling fast and I kinda panicked but I’ve had that feeling before so I sent it away and carried on with the relaxing thing, but near the end, it felt like someone was strangling me, I tried to get it to go away, but it just got tighter and tighter and I had to stop. It was so scary, it actually felt like hands were around my neck and they were trying to kill me. It was terrifying, I cried, and I hate crying. Friday was a really bad day :’( but I don’t really wanna go into it. Even with this counsellor lady and doctors and shizz I still feel like I get the most help from you :’) thank you again. Hope you are awesomely well :P MelaniePhoebe P.S Sorry my things are so long :$
Posted by MelaniePhoebex on 5/31/2011 12:01 PM (GMT-04:00)
Hello Leah :)how are you? I hope you are well and I wish you all thie best :p I went to the doctors in the end; I told my mom in the end, well my brother did but you know :)I have depression;so at least now I know what I have.
Now I've been put into like a mental center thing called CAMHS, I don't have to like stay there, I have to go for therapy and stuff. I've only been there once so they can get a bigger picture of things, I was really scared but I thought I just need to get it over and done with :D I spoke to this man called Russell and he seemed alright; my mom came in with me too; but left after an hour. I was in there for three hours talking with this man. I think, because I was nervous, and because I knew my mom was there, I didn't tell him everything I should have, but I know next time I go I will talk more honestly, I can't take these feelings anymore :( anywayz I have to wait a month or so to hear back from them....so now I wait. My mom told my school too, now while I wait for CAMHS I get counselling from the school to every week for one hour in the bungalow, but if I don't feel great, I'm allowed to just go there whenever and get away from everything. it seems fair enough. I will probably spend a lot of time there in my last term before the summer. The counsellor at school introduced me too another girl, her name is Tamsin, and she has depression too and we talked and miss thought it'd be a good idea for us to stay in contact incase we needed to talk to someone or something; but she's very different from me, she's a year older and she's a popular type and i'm well, an outcast. I blacked out my windows which is helping me sleep kinda, scaring me to sleep coz I can't see a thing!
My dads helping me as much as he can, he's very suportive of me and always has been :) as for my mom and the rest of my family...I dunno. I get the feeling my mom's like ashamed of what I have, I don’t think she’s told any of the other members of my family, it’s like she knows I’ve got this thing wrong with me but she doesn’t want to know, and it really hurts. It’s like she likes watching me fall. She handles it by making fun of me, and when I tell her to stop; she says ‘well, I’m not gonna take this dead seriously’ and I’m like ‘well you don’t have to take the complete piss out of it either!’ she told me she threw my sleeping pills away in fear I’d OD on them, this was after I told her everything....I f**kin found them two days later in my kitchen, where I’d left them!! It made me so mad; I haven’t told her I have them, there in my bottom draw, in case I need them. I’m starting to love her less and less- it’s horrible but what am I suppose to do?! I’m starting to hate her. I feel like I’m the only one trying to help myself, like even though I’ve told them and I’ve got help I’m still SO alone and I’m starting to think, it’s not okay anymore...because it’s NOT OKAY is it? I can’t even talk to her. I can’t even talk to my own mother. She doesn’t understand and IT’S GETTING SO HARD TO PRETEND. I don’t want to pretend to be happy anymore Leah I just want this all to go away and I want know how to be happy because I’ve never been truly happy. I want to runaway from everything, I want to start smiling. I can’t take these feelings anymore :’( And I know I can’t do this on my own.
Leah it seems with every good thing happening in my life 100 bad things happen to cover it. I don’t want feel this way anymore, I can’t take these feelings anymore, this f**king emptiness, it’s like I’m trying SO HARD but I’m wasting my time. It’s like I know who I am, and she’s there inside me, but the people around me won’t let her come out, do you know what I mean. I want to get out of my dark place....my counsellor says there’s a light in my dark place and one day I will find it, but it seems like there isn’t one. I think I’ve fallen too deep into this dark place. I don’t want to live anymore. I just want this to go away. Then I tell myself I have to be strong, put my head up, get myself up in the morning and drag myself through the day. I can feel myself falling down. Does this feeling ever leave you? Does it ever go away?
Leah I hope you the very best in life :) if it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t have been able to get help. I thank you with all my heart for helping me. Things might not seem better now, they might not get better, but without your help I wouldn’t have got this far. THANK YOU SOO MUCH. You have no Idea how much I appreciate all you’ve done for me :)
Rage and Love
Posted by AmyleeStrange on 5/18/2011 4:54 PM (GMT-04:00)
just wanted to thank you for contributing your great ideas to the neverending story... :) looking forward to the new adventures... :)
Posted by Songsabouthappiness on 3/12/2011 2:59 AM (GMT-04:00)
Yeah :) I'm doing well my mouth is all better and I've been at school all week. How are you? I am enjoying KMKMKM it is a very good album my favourites include One More Time, Catch, If Only Tonight We Could Sleep, A Thousand Hours and Just Like Heaven (I used to sing this on singstar when I was eight, so I have fond memories of it and it's a lovely song). What are your favourite tracks from KMKMKM?. That's terrible, why would anyone steal cds and your sunnies :( Oh yes it is quite fun and I love the site and talking to others who enjoy and appreciate The Cure's music. :) What have you been up to lately?
Posted by Songsabouthappiness on 2/14/2011 1:09 AM (GMT-04:00)
Hello Leah, how are you? Yay! another Australia Cure fan :)
Posted by LuvURobert on 2/12/2011 4:51 PM (GMT-04:00)
Wow!! It has been a looooong time. I'm so sorry to hear that you weren't well, Leah. I hope you're doing much better now!!!! I still pop in here every now and then but sadly there isn't ever a whole lot going on. I saw that you found me on FB, too... gonna add you now. :D XOXO
Posted by AuntieHelen on 2/9/2011 1:01 PM (GMT-04:00)
It's very kind of you :D
Posted by cats_n_cheese on 2/9/2011 5:17 AM (GMT-04:00)
thanks for the friend request!
Posted by maryann on 2/8/2011 9:46 PM (GMT-04:00)
Thanks for the friend request!
Posted by Basileus on 2/8/2011 6:04 PM (GMT-04:00)
....awwww...first friend....shucks.....actually I'm surprised I received the noticed...this Board has actually been working....
In the Dales, UK
Bucks County,, US
DFW, TX, US
Thames Valley, UK
Buenos Aires, AR
Wonderland ;), UK
Somewhere interesting, US